I then got a reply from the head of hairdressing saying it would be a shame for me to withdraw as I was close to the end (yeah rite! I had something like 15 assessments to go!) She suggested I be moved to the Gosport college, it is a real salon and I would gain proper salon experiance.
I agreed to it, thought about it and thought it was a bad idea, but decided to give it a shot.... I had a meeting with Kerri the lecturer at the college salon and I found I only had 9 assessments to go, we drew up an action plan saying that I would be complete by the end of compensation week which ended on the 7th July, then I had my accident and hurt my ankle, putting me out of action for 2 weeks. This put a massive dampner on things, Kerri then went to the head of hairdressing and managed to wangle me a 4 week extension by saying that the salon was open all through the summer holidays. This would give me till the 20th July.
On the 26th June I was in a massive panic as this was my first day down at the salon, I was bricking it really bad, panicked a lot in the morning, was awake really early. I was on text to both Shell and Dee all morning, keeping me occupied.... I took extra calm me down meds and I was off..... Waiting fer the bus all I wanted to do was bolt and hide under my duvet... I was texting Shell random stuff... oooh pretty trees, lines from disney movies and telling her how scared I was. The next thing I knew the bus was in town.... I had forgotten it was market day.... I looked at all the ppl and thought 'oh fuck' I cant do this! In the drizzle and standing sorta outside the salon I had like 2 fags back to back. I then took a deep breath and entered the salon.... Found Kerri and was shaking like a leaf! Mentally I was a train wreck. Lucky for me Anna one of my friends from college was also down the salon and this eased my fears a little as I had a friendly face :)
I got home and realised I couldnt do it.... I had written an email to the hairdressing dept saying that I just couldnt do it, I couldnt cope, withdraw me etc... I saved it thinking Id send it weds morning so as they would see it right away. I spoke to several friends and my Momma Dana advised me to sleep on it. I also spoke with my dear friend Bri who suffers from several health issues and battles each day.
Weds morning I woke up a totally diff person, I was excited fer college the next day, I WANTED to do this. I was rearing to go! So on thurs I got the bus... No need fer tx's today as I was revved up... I was focused, however I was txing Dee and Shell as norm! I got to the salon all psyched.. I was focused on getting at least 2 assessments.... I wanted 2 cuts! In the end I got 3 cuts and a colour :D one of which was a lady off the street haha! once my book had been signed I spoke to Kerri and we both agreed saturday was a good goal for me to be finished.... I needed 3 more assessments.... 2 cuts and a foils which was booked for saturday! Kerri was to be absent on the friday so a different tutor. This had me a little nervous but I knew I could do it, I was pumped to the max.
I was determinded to get those cuts done on the friday.. I put a post on my FB asking friends if they wanted a free hair cut and Karen stepped up :D this would give me one assessment and a catch up with a friend. One cut to go and nothing in the column, so I bit the bullet... went out into the street armed with a pricelist and asked the public if they wanted a haircut. I found one lady and she was more than willing to have a free haircut, I showed her how much of a saving she was making. While I was doing the cut I found out my lady for saturday had cancelled.. I was disheartened but I was not going to give up, Saturday was gonna be last day.... a lady came in for a hair up, I asked her if she was willing to have a colour on saturday... I would get her a discount... I managed to get Katie to agree to 30% off. She was more than willing. So arms punching the air I finished my haircut. I WAS going to finish Sat!
I got home friday and was faced with a problem... I had 4 cutting assignments to right up... I hadnt done them as 1. I hadnt passed the relevant cuts except one and 2. where i was determined to quit I didnt see the point in doing them! lucky for me I had pictures... so I sat down after waiting for my meds to kick in (forgot to take them that morning and was feeling wobbly) Armed with laptop pictures and assessment sheets I sat there and started my first assignment. That finished I had a little break... 2nd one started... the end was in sight I told myself.. I was nearly there.... 2nd one soon finished.... 3rd one started... dinner was cooking.... needed a break, ate dinner, cracked on.... nearly there Taz, keep going girl... have a bottle of lambrini when yas done... you can do it.... 3rd one finished. I had a quick break, then back to it... 4th and last one started, I egged my self on, havin no facebook or yahoo to distract me and ignoring my fone I kept going.... almost there, the wine is chilling... I could do this.... and before I knew it... I was DONE! all assignments finished WAHOO! I then as a precauction looked through my book to make sure I hadnt missed anything and.... I needed to do freaking cornrows.. I HATE cornrows (afro-carribean style plaits) I HATE HATE HATE them shit fook and bollocks needed to do them, I wasnt going to fail coz of stupid plaits! ah well that was my tomorrow planned! Vino time as a reward.. cherry lambrini yummy.
I couldnt sleep too well Friday night, I was too excited, last day had come... I woke at half 5 saturday... did facebook, got dressed n made up, knowing that I was wearing my uniform for the last time! I was buzzing, the worlds biggest smile on my face... I got to college eager fer my client due in at half 9, half 9 came and went... no client... shiiiiiiiiit! she wasnt coming, I wasnt gonna pass.. phoned her and phew! she was stuck in traffic!!! She had come in as a favour so I was determined to do the best I could manage. Me and katie agreed on three colours... I went to mix and fook... needed to dilute the peroxide.. theory came flooding back (cheers Nicci for the boxes on the board) I could do this, I was nearly there... this and those blasted cornrows and Id be done!!!
Did her colour, came out the best Id ever done, I was over the moon, OMGG OMGG OMGG just the cornrows.... but none of the girls would let me do them...... then the B group come in, I grab one of the girls for after my lunch. I did one plait, shit this looks bad I thought, keep going taz do the next one... this looks a bit better, keep going yr a few plaits away from the end.... keep swimming, just keep swimming as Shell tells me! I finished them... just had to pass... show katie and.... 'they need to be longer' shiiiiiiiiiiiiit! back to my station I went, undid the first 3 and re did them... stuff it wont do no more i thought..... back to Katie and......... PASS!!!!!!!! that was it DONE DID!!!!!!! sheets and books signed, all i had to do was pack up and get out of there... I needed to tell ppls!
bags collected I was out the door, I was shaking with joy, I was soooooooo pleased, proud of myself, I had over come it all I had QUALIFIED!!!!! First thing I did was spark a fag and get on the fone to Dee! I think I practically blew her ear off! I was soo pleased and releived.... after that emotional call texting time... shell first, then Nicci my tutor, then parents and aunt cherry then a few friends who had kept me going. Replys were coming in........ none off shell... weird I thought, she wanted to know... got on the bus home... smiling like the cheshire cat, still shaking..... still no reply from Shell... so I called her... blew her and finns ears off, shouting it out on the bus... the ppl must have thought me crazy!
I got home, straight on the puter... status up, thanking everyone for their support and encoragement.... into RMX chatroom username changed to Tazzy Qualified!!! I was shouting it from the roof tops!!! My Facebook went nuts..... tried to call my dad, no response.. weird... whats going on I thought... got a text from dad later in the day, they had been out. Aunty Cherry had told my mom and she foned me in the evening giving me 'gratulations' and wanting to buy me a pressie!!!!! 'No mum its fine' but some clips would be nice, I have lost all mine!!!! started the week with 8 ended with none!! bloody things!
I then called my Lo.... no answer... geez ppl I have good news here answer ME!!!! Lo I caught a few hours later, I screamed down the fone at her, we had a giggle... it didnt help that i was 2 n half bottles of lambrini down LOL! we hada chat and stuff. Checked my FB my profile was going nuts... so many likes and well dones!!!!! I was beaming... I was celebrating, I was in such a hyper..... In RMX I was running around arms in the air, chatting to Dee and drinking wine with Shell over the net!!!!
I started my 4th bottle of lambrini, another cherry one.... by now I was getting drunk.. didnt care that i would have a bad head sunday, I was celebrating..... went to bed at like 3am!!!!
Woke up sunday at like 10 with a call from Dee, wide awake I was all chipper... not a fuzzy in sight.... I wanted fuzzys i wanted to be like a student, feeling sorry for myself!!!! Didnt happen, just a furry mouth that was cured my coffee and orange juice!. As I type this I STILL cant believe I did it, Im over the moon, I climbed the mountain and now Im at the top Im shouting it to the world!!!! Having BPD and Bipolar DOESNT mean u cant reach the stars, it means the journey will be harder but the rewards are so worth it.
Im now a hairdresser, so the only thing left to say... who wants a haircut?? :o)
