Random Babble

I try so hard to see the positives in everything... summat that is hard to do when you are in the deepest depths of a depression, I am currently in a quiet depressive state, this I think is aided by the fact that I am extremely tired, having had less than 10 hours sleep since Wednesday night. I remember reading some where (and dont ask me where as I have no Idea!) that to be human is to face challenges.... we'll not to sound too selfish here but I've had more than my fair share and wish that these freaking hurdles would just piss off and pick on someone else!

I have the everyday stresses of other people...lack of money being the main one, I am currently facing bankruptcy, its not something I want to do but at the moment it is my only option ( and don't bother suggesting I get advice.... been there done that and everyone has said the same) 

I have other stresses but as of yet am not willing to share them publicly.... I have shared things with a trusted few and it will remain that way for some time.....

I do however count myself very fortunate, I have the most amazing best friends a gal could ask for, and these select few are girls that I hold very close to my heart..... Shell my sister friend doesn't count in this list as she is a rule to her own!!!! G is my ultimate best friend and we share so much. I had a bouquet of my favourite lilies turn up today and I have very high suspicions that they came from her!!! I am really touched as this has made my day and made me feel extremely special. Then there is C & D a wonderful couple who's relationship is currently tested by the means of the Atlantic...C on this side who is very busy though takes the time to send me wonderful messages and we chat on-line, we have never met but I already know she is a good friend. D lives in 'Merica and when I'm not at college we can spend hours chatting about nothing, D is very good at lifting my spirits and I think I do the same. The love that these two women have for each other is something that I strive to have one day. (and that's me in trouble for talking about them) S is a really good friend, not one that I talk to often but one that I know is there, I take a lot of inspiration from S and no matter what is thrown her way she always fights her corner. A is my ex-partner who I still love dearly and if it wasn't for her then none of these wonderful people will not be in my life as I wouldn't have been introduced to the world of M2F transgender and stuff, I will always hold A in high regard and hope to one day re-build a relationship of some kind, this is going to take a lot of time and effort but she is well worth it. I can not write about my friends without including N, she is my closest friend, she has stuck by me when I have been at my darkest and only lives around the corner. and like Shell I regard her as my sister.

I also have wonderful neighbours S2 and S3 they are wonderful people and like neighbours should we are in n out of houses and bickering,, teasing and just being good friends... it has got the point where we have taken down the garden fence and have a super garden. This also makes is easier for the cats to pick and choose which house they will visit and when! In total that makes 12 cats!! mad you may think but well not really.. it means that the cats are comfy with each other, well most of the time!

So dear reader you can see with all these lovely people in my life it I'm not down for long, just typing about them has brought me to smiles, I am able to forget the crap and see the sun breaking through the clouds, even on the greyest of days.

I have sadly been let down by someone who I regarded as my brother and my real bro is really not pleased about this, he has since fallen out with this friend of his and is determined to protect his little big sis (he is taller than me) Me and bro through circumstances beyond our control hated each other growing up, far beyond sibling rivalry. Now thankfully we go to the ends of the earth for one and other and he pops rnd for a few hours and leaves 4 days later!

I really could ramble for hours but as its gone lunch time I really should get out of my PJs and do all the things I intended to do when I woke up at the crack of dawn......