No where near my idea of fun is going to the QA hossy for a colposcopy exam, I was more than anxious about it but I knew it had to be done, mainly for my own piece of mind. S2 had offered to take me, it just meant me paying diesel, and I'm glad we filled up in Asda!! on the way to the hospital I was relatively quiet and my stress teddy took a few squishes I can tell you!!
Arriving at QA I became more anxious and was starting to feel sick, the lift made me feel even more sick and walking down the corridor felt like I was going to the block. The gynecology department is quite small and there was only a couple of people in the waiting room, which made me feel better. S2 got me a glass of water so that I could take my PRN meds, I took a double dose as I was feeling that anxious. As we were sitting in the waiting room, I said to S2 'I hope that its a woman doctor' S2 then went to the receptionist and asked if it was a female doctor, the receptionist then confirmed that it was a MALE doctor, I then freaked, the thought of having a male doctor filled me with so much panic. S3 told the receptionist that I couldn't go through with it, the receptionist then did some computer stuff and for me to see a female doctor meant re scheduling, at this point I was ready to cry, It was hard enough getting in the car for this appointment. The nurse came out to get me, and the receptionist told her that I had to cancel.
At this point I decided I had to do something, I had spent 3 days preparing myself for the examination, I asked if I could meet the doctor and if I still couldn't go through with it I would say so, with panic teddy in my hands I went into the room, I was talked through the exam and heart pounding and trying to control my breathing I agreed to the exam. I was given a sheet to cover myself up and had to strip from the waist down, With paddy (panic teddy) in hand I sat in the chair. ready for the exam. The doctor spoke to me about everything he was doing. The nurse was really nice and asked me questions, mainly to distract me I think. We talked about college and my babies. A good way to take my mind off things.
I wont go into details but the exam was uncomfortable and despite having the sheet I was feeling as if everything was on show. The doctor then told me I had some growths and I will need to have a minor operation to have them removed. I asked how long I would have to wait and the doctor told me he could give me the date there and then.
After the exam I felt weird, I was still feeling anxious, its a weird feeling that takes time to go. On the way home S2 suggested we stop off at Tesco, suited me, I needed a drink as my mouth was extremely dry. S2 also got me a blue nose bear (spin off of the tatty teddy) that cheered me up no end :)
I got home and had to speak to G to let her know how it went, I was still feeling the aftershocks of the anxiety, I don't know how to describe it, but I had the odd heart palpitations and I was still getting the pangs in my chest. As I write this I still cant believe I was able to go through with it, but I now have to gear myself up for the operation, but I guess I wont really believe it till I get the letter from the Hospital.
In other mundane news; I was able to go for my ESA (Employment and Support Allowance) medical.. I had to take double dosage of my PRN again and I was really panicky about the whole thing, I was worried that if it didn't go well then I would loose the small amount of benefit that I get each week. I think it went as well as expected and all I have to do now is wait for the result and try not to think about it as that will just stress me out even more!!!
Well dear reader thank you for listening to the mundane, maybe one day I will be able to blog about something interesting!!!!
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