Bitter sweet times

Sometimes like this moment the loneliness hits me hard, during the day I can cope with being alone, but as the day ends and it gets darker I get very lonely, Its the end of the working day and after being alone for 4 months I still expect someone to come in through the door and say hi. If I didn't have Facebook I think I would be in the nut nut house by now, my FB friends are defiantly a life line for me. I don't seem to have many friends locally, which at the moment is a good thing as I don't have the money to socialise. 

And due to my panics I am more than happy to sit on my sofa netbook on my lap and chat to my friends, G, C,D and M are my favourites to chat to, I feel that I have known these ladies for years. I love to chat to S too but she is never on line to chat which is a shame but I'm guessing is also a blessing as we would most probably chat for hours. I do wish that I saw more of her, but I guess the next time I see S will be at her smurfday party in April.

I have a lot of hobbies but I cant seem to find the motivation to do them, Scrapbooking is expensive and I am low on supplies and my poor Bass (powerpuff) hasn't been played in months, I have thought about selling her but I can not bring myself to do so.

Yesterday C and I were chatting via a FB thread about AD&D and it brought a lot of happy memories back to the fore, good  times playing with E, I miss them days and it made me realise again what I have thrown away and of my impending divorce, which I still don't want. This made me feel very lonely and very guilty for all the pain I have caused people.


A very sad moment for me was cooking my dinner, cooking for one is no fun, although on a positive I loved doing the washing up, it took no time at all :o)


My babies, especially Cleo have picked up on my low mood, Cleo is doing her best to cheer me up, to the point where she tries to help me surf the Internet and write my blog.  I am most definitely the crazy cat lady and that is a label I am more than happy to have :o)