I have tried as best as I can to carry on with my daily life but this hasnt been completly sucessful, Sunday night I had Bro and S3 staying over to make sure I was ok, this was a very nice thought, I coudn't face sleeping in my bed without G so slept on my sofa, I had spent the day crying on and off so was preparing myself for a very restless sleep, however as I lay on the sofa I closed my eyes and mentally spoke to G, I had a sudden wave of calm and felt very peaceful, I then fell into a peaceful sleep and didnt wake up once in the night, the weirdest thing was waking up at the exact time Monday as I found G on Sunday.
My first job of the day was to put some washing on, I opened the machine and saw the towel they used to cover G, I sat on the floor and cried into it, I was like that for at least 15 minutes.
Monday I was determined not to stay at home and wallow in self pity, I still had to tidy up but couldnt face it, I needed to wash up the dinner things from Saturday night but as soon as I saw the glasses and plates on the side I burst into tears, G shouldn't have died and I was very angry. I asked Bro and S3 if they would mind washing up and drying up while I was out. I planned on getting the bus to Gosport but couldnt find my bus pass so I was lazy and got a cab. I had a hair appointment at 1pm, I had phoned up Amber to make an appt, it gave me something to look forward to and a reason to leave the house.
I went passed the printing shop and arranged for a canvas to be made of the only picture I have of me and G, when I get it made I need to find somewhere to hang it...
After getting my hair washed and blowdried I didnt know what to do with myself, I wasnt ready for going home so I went for a walk into gosport. I went past Morrisons and the tears started to fall again, only Saturday we were walking through town smiling and laughing. I decided that I was going to go down to the duck ponds so I went and got a cheap loaf of bread to feed to the swans, The sun was shining but a little chilly but bread in hand I found a bench and was soon surronded in swans, seagulls and pigeons.... I started throwing the bread and thought it amusing watching the birds squabble. Some of the swans came out of the ponds and took the bread from my hands, tame birds but they have strong beaks... I got a few little nips...
Once the bread had all gone I thought it wise to make a swift exit as they looked like they wanted more!
Walking through town I really didnt know what to do, I browsed the shops and fought the tears... I spotted for the first time Gosport has a Costa, so one large latte to takeaway it was. G and I would often stop for a coffee, Costa being the favourite shop! I browsed the shops some more and went into the shoe shop and bought a pair of shoes ideal for college.
I then decided to sit down at the ferry, I listened to the water and the fountain drinking my coffee and smoking a fag, I then allowed the tears to come, one by one they rolled down my face, my heart broken I felt so lost and alone, My borrowed sim hadnt stopped ringing not bad considering only a few ppl had the number.
I had organised to get a tribute tattoo done so went to the tattoo shop to find that the tattooist was a no show, pissed off and upset S2 agreed to come and take me home.
Getting to next door I sat and cuddled G-bear, I had no tears left but was crying inside and got some lovely hugs from S2 and R :o)
S3 and bro were staying over again.. suited me as I really didnt want to be alone :o) we had a nice easy cook dinner of chip shop chips... bro was the go getter.. I tried to smile and think I managed it a few times too. Monday nite I slept on my sofa again, still not able to sleep in my bed.
Tuesday I felt a little brighter and Me, S2 and S3 went to Fareham, I needed out of the house again and we had jobs to do.... not sure what they were but I think we just needed shopping....
We went into Craft crazy, I wanted some crystals to help my grieving, I said to the lady behind the counter that I was looking for some and I told her about G... she was shocked... we were only in there Sat buying stuff and having a laugh with the owners.... the nice lady picked me out a rose quartz and moonstone as a gift to help with my loss.
The next stop was Pk's, I wanted another piercing, the one I had planned for Saturday and I got my dermal and chose a blue gem, it sits just above my pandora on my right wrist and let S3 get her tounge pierced to.... BOGOF is great :o)
Mooching around the shops we went here n there... looking in shops and at blue nose bears to add to my collection. We went into phone shop and I got a new phone nothing special and it was cheap but I now have my sim up and running and as AH has the temp number I need two running so I can hear about the funeral for G.
Speaking to S2 she had a word with her mate W and had arranged for my tattoo to be done for 8pm Tuesday, I was getting excited and couldnt wait for my lasting tribute to G.
G-bear had to come with me, good job W didnt mind really, tattoo came out better than I expected and I was over the moon. I love it and think it is more than fitting.
Wednesday saw me not doing a lot, First thing in the morning I was super cheesed off as Lodger did a runner taking my rent money with him!! I couldnt believe my luck, after all the shit I have dealt with lately the thought of this was just another blow to me, as he had taken a few of my bits I called the police, I also know that he is wanted by the police and they have already knocked my door once looking for him. Me and S3 did a massive tidy up and then I went into next door agian... they have been really good to me and provided me with a lot of support. Had a quick dive into Fareham but the stupid shops couldnt help me with what I was after, and I had to hobble as my foot was still quite sore and the skin very tight, but I had to show it off as I was very proud of it :)
One thing that hurts is that G used to love reading my Blog and knowing that she never will again is really sucky,
Love U Gracey, miss you so so so much xXx
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