Coming back home meant coming back to reality. After a stress free week where I tried hard not to think about any stresses, I knew that going home I will have to face a lot of crap. However a couple of nice things to come home to were a nice hugz from bro and a nice welcome from my babies, I think its safe to say I was missed :o). The flowers that Shell had sent were open and I was able to enjoy them at their best....
And I hope dear reader you agree that they are truly beautiful. Flowers aside I said bye to G, bro and M on Sunday and then spent the day scrubbing My house, Bro baby sat and left the house tidy ish but it wasn't clean so I scrubbed and scrubbed, even having to clean the front of cupboards as they were covered in food. This gave me a sense of achievement and gave me some time to not have to think about things, I was able to take some frustrations out on the house and there is something good about the house being clean and fresh. I am quite house proud, however I am a little lazy, I hope that I can keep this up as I worked really hard on well everywhere!!
Monday saw me having to face a lot of shit, I replied to some emails I had been putting off, and I sat down and went through all my paperwork, having a bit of a spring clean, I was able to get rid of papers no longer needed and then I sat down and piled up all my debts. Rather than just pile them up I sat and created a spreadsheet and a monthly budget. This was thoroughly boring and quite scary as I knew I had a lot of debt but I never knew how much. All of this debt was drawn up mainly during hyper states, I didn't care that I had no money, I needed stuff, and this created debt which I then chose to ignore and this resulted in depressive states.
I have tried several times to face the debt and have been sucked into these debt management plans, the companies have taken money off me to pay my creditors but the debts themselves we're not going anywhere. I have tried debt consolidation and found someone who would give me a loan but I had to pay an admin charge, which I paid only to find that they were a broker and would recommend me to companies who would give me a loan, only to find I'm so far into the red none of these companies will touch me :(
I Live on benefit as I am unable to work and all the money I get goes on day to day living, I cant even afford to pay my water rates half the time and am now in debt with the water company.... However creating a budget has shown me that if I decrease my food budget I can pay the water company so beans on toast it is for a few months!!
Dear reader before you throw suggestions at me I have already been to the CAB for advice and they have suggested bankruptcy, I have started the ball rolling, the problem with going bankrupt is that it costs £600. I have a very kind friend who has given me some money toward this and I have another appointment with the CAB to double check there is no other option for me. The main problem I have is my old flat, which I still own as PHA have not yet finalised the sale, as you can imagine I am unable to pay the mortgage, so I have debt there. so this has a re-possession order on it and I now have to wait...
On top of all these money worries I have a lot of so called friends who think they are able to walk all over me, I am a nice person and I try my best to be a good and loyal friend. However people think they are able to walk over me, taking advantage of my vulnerable state. Well dear reader they are in for a shock as Taz bites hard, I don't hold a grudge but if I get stung I fight back.
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