Back to college :)

I'm so far behind in college I am ready to quit, I told this to my tutor and she said that I'm so close to finishing the section that I may as well finish it so that Im not repeating the year all over... I was and am still in so much doubt over this but agreed to go in for an extra lesson to see how things went. I was bricking it left right and Chelsea, I woke up all geared up for college but as the day went on I started to panic and panic and well panic. I got on the bus to Fareham and well mooched around a bit, I had some things to do and I was trying my best to calm myself down. My infills needed doing ready for S's birthday party this weekend I had plenty of time and I was pleased with the result. Except my poor left pinky is nail-less after a bit of a trauma mid week.. literally no nail.. I have a tiny stump of a finger that has no nail... AT ALL cept 4mm just above the cuticle... I know coz I measured! it is also very painfull... anyways back on track.....

I was arguing with myself about going, I needed to go, I had all my kit with me and I was in Fareham town...so I got on a bus and went to college.... I then went into college and then I went into my locker (which i need to hand back) and then I went to the salons and sat and waited for my tutor and I sat for what seemed like hours and then just as I was about to get up and bolt she walked through the door.....

She seemed to be pleased to see me and I was told to find a corner (suited me) and as I set myself up she gave me a couple of books that need to be completed and 2 exam papers. so I started to work my way through them and then got told I was having a client.... capped highlights whoop nice and easy :) I started and was left to my own devices more or less, did the poking holes and did the bleach and then the toner and then.... the client states she wants a cut..... EEEEEEEEEEEKKKK! no confidance there, cant cut, but I some how dont panic and get through it, I had a level 3 help me and check it and supervise and at the end when Tracey comes along... I PASS whooooop, its bulk standard everyday stuff but its been such a long time since I passed an assessment it feels sooo good.

Im still smiling and actually feel like I can do this and work at finishing the college year. I dont want to quit but when things fall down its hard for me to get back up again.....I've spent so long away from college and to go back was a bit daunting but now Im rearing to go..... 

Thats another thing with BPD, I'm always looking for the next buzz.. I need something to keep me going which is hard but I can do it... I think :o)